Have you ever really contemplated your life? Like, is this all there is? What if I do absolutely nothing spectacular with my life. What if my dreams go completely unfulfilled? What will make my life “complete”?
Well, I contemplate them quite often. I’m always wondering where God is leading me next and if what I’m doing is really what He wants me to be doing. I get so angry and upset when things don’t go the way I planned them or the way I dreamed them happening. I couldn’t sleep tonight, it’s now almost 1am, and as I was watching PS I Love You tonight and that movie, within 15 minutes, ALWAYS makes me cry. But it also makes me think. Hilary Swank’s character “Holly” is such a planner and a controller that she feels she always needs a plan. I can so relate! I’m always making plans for myself and dreams for my future. I always have a task list of things to do each day. Some days they’re more important that they be completed, and others not. So after watching most of this movie that I love, I’ve decided to resurrect my “List” of things I want for my life, and put it up for anyone to see. This is a glimpse into who I am and what I want most of this one life that God has blessed me with. They are in so specific order. Just things I want to do, see, experience, feel, live and be.
1. I want to know what it feels like to fall in love; to love and be loved in return. Not the love of my Savior, because Jesus already shows me that kind of love through His death and resurection, but the love of a man, a spouse, someone to share my life with and start a family with.
2. I want to travel: I have always wanted to travel around the world. Ever since I was in French 1 in High School, and even more so after I went to France when I was 17. I want to go to London, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Russia, China, Taiwan, Thailand, Africa, Prague, Sweden, Denmark, Australia, New Zealand, Auckland, Hawaii… I want to experience being at the top of the Eiffel Tower and looking as far as I can out on the brilliant beauty of Paris. I want to experience the joy of seeing a pack of kangaroos hop across the Australian outback wilderness. I want to stand on the moors of England where Emily Bronte imagined Wuthering Heights. I want to feel the irish wind in my hair as I stand atop the cliffs of Galway soaking in the sunshine. I want to see the great and beautiful earth that my Creator designed.
3. I want a family. I want to have children. yes, I already have names picked out, but I know they will change. I want to see them grow up and learn about Jesus in Sunday School and wrestle with their faith and understand the ultimate sacrifice their Savior paid for them. I want to see them get married and have families of their own.
4. I want my Daddy to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I want him to be healthy enough to see me and give me away to the love of my life. I want to be able to dance with him at the reception. I want my Daddy to see his grandchildren and meet them and get to know them. I never knew my mom’s father, who died shortly after they were married. I want my kids to know who their grandpa is and how much he loves them and how he is an incredible man of God, with many gifts and talents and so much life left to live.
5. I want to see my students grow in their faith. I want to be at a church long enough to see them wrestle, grow and mature in their faith, to be spiritual leaders in their families and future congregations. I want them to be able to internalize their faith and truly see what grace and mercy and peace and trust is all about. I want them to not just know, but believe, to the core of their being that Jesus Christ, true man and wholly God, died on the cross to forgive them of their sins, and rose from the dead to conquer sin and death. To truly get it. I want to be there to see the lightbulb come on.
6. I want my best friend to continue to follow her heart and soul in ministry. I want her to be near me, yes, of course, but i know that’s not where God wants her. I want her to follow God’s lead and his direction, as she always has. I want her to continue to see what amazing things God is doing in her heart and through her talent and desire to share the Good News with the world.
7. I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight and be healthy and look healthy, inside and out. I don’t want to have to worry about my health any more. I don’t want to have regrets that I die at a young age because I didn’t care of myself when I should have. I want to be healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally.
8. I want to eat more chocolate a (but without the guilt! hahahah) nd life live to the fullest. 
9. I want to write a book. A novel about faith and life and love and what it truly means to me, to be a child of God. A book from my heart, that hopefully will touch the heart of someone else.
10. I want eliminate all addictions from my life: Starbucks, facebook, whatever. Just get rid of them so that they are no longer true addictions. Obviously, these are not major addictions, but still. It gets in between me and my Lord, and that’s not good.
11. I want to begin and end my day with complete trust and knowledge that God is in control. I usually start my day like this, but it tends to waver throughout the course of the day. I want to know and trust no matter what. I know that I’m not in control, despite how much I might want to be. I want my own faith life to continue to grow and mature with what it means to have someone die for me. To have God die in my place. Because that’s what He did, and sometimes it all seems a little too surreal. But it happened. I know that to the core of my being. I want to fully and wholly, completely and unrelentingly, gratefully and changingly, give my entire being over to my Savior. Of course, this is a daily occurance, and as scripture says, we daily die to sin and live a new life in Christ. Each day He gives us a new lease on life, because it’s another day that we get to live and love and show others His love. I want to show that kind of love to others, and not be as sinful and prideful and selfish as I am.
So there… that’s a glimpse into some of the many things that I want out of life. Of course, there are more. But that should give you a little tidbit. 
May the Lord of life and love, the Creator of the Universe, the Father of all Nations, the Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, guide you and bless you, lead you and forgive you, love you and daily remind you of the love He has for you. May you continue to open your heart and mind to what He tells you and shows you and teaches you and blesses you. Amen.
